Conservative Conference Will Feature 100% Bangin’ Toga Party

Via Wonkette

Are you all geared up for the upcoming State Policy Network (SPN) Annual Meeting in Asheville, North Carolina? Bro come on! The SPN is a network of wingnut think tanks and organizations throughout the country that helps “advance a free society by providing leadership development, management training and networking opportunities for think tank professionals and by promoting strategic partnerships among market-oriented organizations.” STRATEGY, MARKETS, NETWORKS, TRAINING, LEADERSHIP, MANAGEMENT, CUM, COCKS, DOLLA DOLLA BILLS. If you are that particular flavor of “douche” that specializes in lacking self-awareness, you belong to the SPN! Let’s see what rad parties some of the SPN members will be throwing during their annual meeting… oh look, a Toga Party! Hilarious forwarded invite, below.

Subject Line:

Toga Celebration at the SPN Annual Meeting ~ Invitation

Dear Minions of the SPN Empire:

It has sadly come to my attention that many of the younger members of our Freedom Movement have never watched “Animal House” and may not understand the cultural significance of a Toga Party. Here I’ll blame public education and their parents breast feeding them too long while watching Oprah. Sadder still are the older, goodie-two-shoes, pencil-neck types in our movement who only used a beer bong in college to hold their protractors and HP calculators. I won’t mention people like Joe Lehman or Lynn Harsh so as not to embarrass their colleagues.

To right these wrongs you are hereby ordered to join me at the Toga Celebration in Asheville, within the SPN Annual Meeting! Yours truly serves as Emperor of Ceremonies. The festivities take place Tues., Nov. 3, 10:00 pm to 1:00 am (10:00 pm to 10:15 pm for Gisele Huff to lessen any sexual harassment lawsuits). You will celebrate with me in festive toga fashion – or to the Coliseum and lions for you.

Toga Celebration minutiae, approved by me, Emperor of Ceremonies:

* In honor of Animal House, all party entrants must wear a toga at the festivities. And by the way, wearing pants with a toga is like wearing suspenders and a belt; or as we say in Colorado, pulling a “Gary Palmer.”
* Those who don’t sport a toga will be thoroughly embarrassed by a roaming rogue troupe of Cirque du Soleil rejects.
* You should bring your toga from home (someone needs to tell Carl Helstrom that’s just a bed sheet). This likely means we get to see Kurt Weber wearing something with a Spiderman theme
* A Best Toga Contest will take place for males, females and asexual Mackinac employees.
* A rigged jury will likely declare me the Best Toga Contest winner (for males)
* Orgy to follow the Toga Celebration, location TBA (no toga required)
* SPN’s attorneys “encouraged” me to state: This isn’t an SPN thing. The Toga Celebration is hosted by: Students for Liberty, Foundation for Economic Education, Institute for Humane Studies and Liberty on the Rocks.

Do join me, Emperor of Ceremonies, for much needed think-tank bacchanal. Attached is a Love is Hell cartoon to help launch the Toga Celebration spirit.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Emperor of Ceremonies

Jon Caldara

President, Independence Institute

Sounds like a great place to get raped!

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