OMG Obama and Some Other Dudes Drank Beers On the TeeVee

Via Wonkette

What is this? It’s the tragic result of 5,000 White House photographers with old-fashioned “click-y cameras” taking 5,000,000 pictures of the president and vice president (both in shirtsleeves) and the stars of the new Cambridge reality teevee show, No Motherfucker You Cannot Arrest Me In My Fucking House I Am a Harvard Professor …. Oh So Just Step Outside For a Moment?

Anyway! No more racism! In a million years, when you are a deathless space prisoner of the Spirogallion Spider Monsters, on Planet X8912 (Crab Nebula), you can tell your “kids” (spiders in your eyes) about the wonderful day when CNN and Pete Souza ended slavery and the Ivy League. Never Forget! [?]

Oh and Reuters called Obama the “bartender-in-chief.” But where’s the, uhm, birth certificate? Or, let’s see, the driver’s license? Might need one of those, to work at an American bar … unless you are basically any kind of illegal, in which case, welcome!

Jon Stewart Presents: Cable News Right Wing Crazy Contest


"So You Think You Can Douche"
Hannity, Dobbs, Beck Compete For Dubious "Daily Show" Honor

Colbert vs. Crazy: Stephen Takes On 'Birther' Movement

Via HuffPo

While Stephen Colbert the person may find the birther movement morally reprehensible, Stephen Colbert the character embraces it wholeheartedly. That's why, despite his obvious distaste for guest Orly Taitz, he spent the better part of last night's show "defending" the conspiracy theorists.

Orly, and many others like her including several members of Congress, believe Barack Obama is not our rightful president because he was not born on U.S. soil. Even if he was, they argue, it would not be legitimate for him to take office because his father was not a U.S. citizen. Granted, neither was Chester A. Arthur's nor Orly's but the irony and historical comparison is lost on these folks. Despite overwhelming evidence that Obama was in fact born in Hawaii the birthers continue to dominate the news cycle for lack of a more intriguing topic in mid-summer.

Colbert broke down last night and gave this group the acknowledgment they deserve by allowing his viewers into the Colbert birthing chamber and talking to Ms. Taitz about her bat-shit crazy theories. Not only did she compare Obama to Stalin and Hitler but she suggested they dig up his father's remains to make him a citizen. It was all bonkers, but what do you expect from a woman who is equal parts lawyer, dentist and real estate agent?


The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Womb Raiders - The Fight for the Truth Behind Obama's Birth
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTasers
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Womb Raiders - Orly Taitz
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTasers

Fox News Finally Addresses Glenn Beck's Unrestrained Lunacy

Via Gawker

With Glenn Beck running loose spouting all sorts of crazy-talk, you just knew at some point he'd say something to cause enough of an uproar that the Fox News brass would have to address it. Beck finally did that today.

The incident in question occurred this morning on Fox & Friends when Beck made his weekly drop-in on the folksy vegetables who host that show. In the course of discussing the controversy surrounding the arrest of Henry Louis Gates and Barack Obama's subsequent comments on the matter, Beck said that Obama has a "deep-seeded hatred for white people and white culture...I'm not saying he doesn't like white people...this guy is, I believe, a racist."

So in response to the uproar over this, Fox News gave the following statement to TV Newser this evening:

During Fox & Friends this morning, Glenn Beck expressed a personal opinion which represented his own views, not those of the Fox News Channel. And as with all commentators in the cable news arena, he is given the freedom to express his opinions.

So in other words, Fox News said this: Glenn Beck is free to use our airwaves to say whatever the hell he wants, no matter how baseless and irresponsible the things he says may be, and will you now please leave us the hell alone.

Contrast this with the way CNN handled ridiculous Lou Dobbs' Birther story-pushing, which was to basically tell Dobbs to shut the hell up and stop being an irresponsible prick by working America's vast dipshit population into a frenzy. Well, at least we all now definitively know where Fox News stands on their village idiot: He can do and say whatever the hell he wants, they don't really care as long as he continues to bring the ratings.

Here's the clip of Beck's Fox & Friends visit this morning in case you missed it.

FNC Responds to Glenn Beck Calling Obama a Racist [TVNewser]

Health Care Reform: The Baseball Bat or the Spooge Spray?

Via Rude Pundit

It doesn't really help matters when there's a half-dozen power-brokering Senators esconced in an office, having secret meetings that will, in all likelihood, determine the way the health care system in this country is "reformed." Let's be honest: at this point, when a scumfucker from an insurance company is confronted by a crawling middle-aged woman who can't afford the hip replacement she needs because of her years waiting tables at Waffle House, the insurance bastard has a choice: beat her with a baseball bat or jack off on her. Under the current system, he'd be wailing on her skull with that Louisville Slugger that reads "pre-existing condition." Under the reform being squeezed out like a hard turd in Max Baucus's office, that poor short order waitress would have a back warm and sticky with Blue Cross semen.

It is the usual way for Democrats, thinking that bipartisanship means giving Republicans what they want. It's as if the Democrats were a family inviting a Republican family over for the Democratic daughter's My Little Pony birthday party, but the Republican family won't come unless the Democratic family changes it to a Bakugan party so the Republican son can feel welcome. Instead of telling the Republican family to go fuck itself, the Democratic family makes sure that every cute plastic pony is facing down some horrible mutating machine. It's okay for bipartisanship to mean that Democrats invite Republicans to play. If they don't wanna, then the hell with 'em.

The right wing actually believes that any kind of health care reform is some Ernst Blofeldian nefarious plot (and, seriously, even though it's a "bipartisan" group in Baucus's office, it just doesn't help) to destroy the country. Here's Hugh Hewitt, whose picture looks like he's touching himself, thinking about how to fuck your child while your dog licks his asshole, doing one of those "I don't know what the fuck to write about today" columns, wherein the writer imagines the presumed thoughts of someone else and speaks in his or her voice. In the Washington Examiner, Hewitt gets inside Congressman Henry Waxman's head on health care reform, giving the mustachioed bald man the evil designs and voice of Montgomery Burns, as if his efforts to get poor people health insurance are actually just part of some Machiavellian megalomaniacal machinations to destroy America:

"But we are not there yet. Deep breaths and calm down. So close, and I have to deal with this yokel from Arkansas and this turnip from Louisiana. Why do those states even get to vote?...Blue dogs? Dead dogs when this is over. Another chapter for the memoir: 'Sucker punching the suckers from the South.' We really ought to have a literacy test for the House. But stay calm now. Stay focused. Thirty-five years to get to this precise moment --at the center of the rewriting of the American Constitution through the administrative state."

Does Hewitt actually imagine that that's what supporters of a state health insurance plan think? Even subconsciously? Let's put aside that it's shabbily written. Howzabout the fact that now Hewitt, who was like a high school cheerleader with a soaked pussy ready for team captain George W. Bush to fuck under the bleachers whenever he was between scrimmages, is concerned about the Constitution?

Who, exactly, are the Blue Dog Democrats (and the Republicans) trying to please here? Fucking Hugh Hewitt and the other conservative drones aren't gonna nuance this shit out. They're not gonna sit there and think, "Well, at least they didn't pass a public plan financed by a tax on rich people" and then accept whatever comes down the pike. If even the mildest health reform passes, the one that says one-legged American orphans with TB must get coverage, Rush Limbaugh will scream like someone at McDonald's told him they couldn't batter his Big Mac and put it in the deep fryer.

In the push to be able to say they got something passed when they had majorities in both Houses of Congress, the Democrats are shifting the organizing principle of the argument from universal coverage to keeping costs for the already-insured down. And you can bet that, even then, the vast, vast majority of Republicans will vote it down because it's not bipartisan enough.

Sen. Voinovich Reveals Terrible Mating Call Of Southern Republicans

Via Wonkette

Hey Columbus Dispatch, you have a Moral Obligation to release audio of this interview with Sen. George Voinovich! All Americans must hear this terrifyingly transcribed hell-screech of the Southern Republicans: “We got too many Jim DeMints and Tom Coburns. It’s the southerners. They get on TV and go ‘errrr, errrrr.’ People hear them and say, ‘These people, they’re southerners. The party’s being taken over by southerners. What the hell they got to do with Ohio?’” So next time you and a sexytime friend are on the sidewalk and hear some nearby people saying “errrr, errrrr” to each other, you can turn to your sexytime friend and whisper, “These people, they’re southerners,” and sound cool and smart and learned in tongues, and then you can bone, hooray. [Columbus Dispatch]

William Shatner Deciphering Sarah Palin

Via Sullivan

Who else could do it but William Shatner?

Bill Kristol Admits Govt. Healthcare Better Than Private

h / t : @MizzWelch

Palin Steps Down As Alaska Governor

Via HuffPo

(AP) FAIRBANKS, Alaska — Sarah Palin stepped down Sunday as Alaska governor to write a book and build a right-of-center coalition, but she left her long-term political plans unclear and refused to address speculation she would seek a 2012 presidential bid.

Her first order of business as a private citizen is to speak Aug. 8 at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in California. She also wants to campaign for political candidates from coast to coast, and continue to speak her mind on the social networking site Twitter.

Free speech was a theme of her farewell speech at a crowded picnic in Fairbanks, as the outgoing governor scolded "some seemingly hell bent on tearing down our nation" and warned Americans to "be wary of accepting government largess. It doesn't come free."

She also took aim at the media, saying her replacement, Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell, "has a very nice family too, so leave his kids alone!"

And she told television cameras: "How about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit makin' things up?"

She didn't elaborate, but Palin said when she announced her resignation July 3 that she was tired of the media focus on her family and felt she had been unfairly treated by reporters.

Friend and foe alike have speculated that Palin may host a radio or TV show, launch a lucrative speaking career or seek higher office in Washington.

Palin hasn't ruled out any of those options, and her political action committee, SarahPAC, has raised more than $1 million, said Meghan Stapleton, a spokeswoman for the committee and the Palin family.

"I cannot express enough there is no plan after July 26. There is absolutely no plan," she told The Associated Press.

Palin's surprise announcement she was stepping down 17 months before the end of her first term pushed her favorability rating down to 40 percent, according to a Washington Post-ABC poll. Fifty-three percent of those polled gave her an unfavorable rating.

Last summer, almost six in 10 Americans viewed her favorably. The latest poll was taken from July 15-18.

Nearly 20 ethics complaints had been filed against Palin, and the outgoing governor cited the resulting investigation's financial toll – both on her and the state – for stepping down. An independent investigator looking into the complaints found evidence she may have violated ethics laws by trading on her position as she sought money for lawyer fees, according to a report obtained recently by The Associated Press.

Parnell, 46, of Anchorage, was sworn in Sunday as the state's new governor and has promised to push many of Palin's initiatives, including controversial terms to build a natural gas pipeline.

Palin received a warm welcome Sunday, both during her speech and as she served food at Pioneer Park in downtown Fairbanks, where thousands gathered on a hot day.

Among those present was Donna Michaels, 57, of Fairbanks, who wore a red T-shirt that said: "Palintologist."

The T-shirt defined a Palintologist as "someone who studies Palin and shares her conservative values, Maverick attitude and American style."

Michaels also held a poster board sign showing the front page of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner when Palin announced she would resign. Michaels altered the banner headline "Palin steps down," replacing the last word with "up."

"She's really not stepping down. She's stepping up to do something bigger and better," said Michaels, who attended the picnic with her daughter and two granddaughters, one of whom who wore Sarah Palin-style eyeglasses.

Larry Landry, 51, of Fairbanks held up a red, white and blue sign that that read, "Quitting: the new American value." The other side read: "Thanks for the laughs."

Landry, a registered independent, said he respected Palin when she ran for governor in 2006, but she changed during last year's presidential campaign.

"She turned into a vicious vixen," he said. "She descended into ugly, divisive politics."

Alaska's first female governor arrived at the state Capitol in December 2006 on an ethics reform platform after defeating two former governors in the primary and general elections. Her prior political experience consisted of terms as Wasilla's mayor and councilwoman and a stint as head of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission.

Unknown on the national stage until Republican John McCain tapped her as his running mate, Palin infused excitement into the Republican's presidential bid. But she also became the butt of talk-show jokes and Democratic criticism, especially after the Republican Party spent $150,000 or more on a designer wardrobe for Palin.

Former state House Speaker John Harris, a Republican with sometimes chilly relations with Palin, said he thinks Palin will run for president in 2012, although he has no inside information.

Stapleton said the answer will emerge in the coming weeks.

On Monday, "we'll sit down and say, 'OK, here are your options. How do you now want to effect that positive change for Alaska from outside the role as governor?'" Stapleton said.

Tom Waits & Iggy Pop - Coffee and Cigarettes

So uncomfortably wonderful!

Type O Negative | Christian Woman